The Adventures of Xentu
by Gamerdude32
Summary: Follow Xentu the necromancer as he braves the world to defeat the 3 prime evils...or is there another objective in his list. Adventure awaits, Lovely Ladies and Humorous Skeletons as well as serious situations. Rated M just because its a diablo game and you all should know better...may have a few Adult Scenes but will try keeping it classy.


Well, first story so here goes nothing and please tell me what you think of it.

This work is from my imagination but i do not in no way own Diablo 2 or and of the things listed in this fic besides some of the names, they are property of blizzard.

also, might need a beta and ill update when i can so without further to do, enjoy at least the first chapter.

Note:

(_)=thought

"_"=Speech

*_* is my thought

Chapter 1

My life before this damn bloody hell on earth was peaceful and calm, like most necromancers we spent our days learning curses, making poisons (which I was never really good at) and summoning up minions and battling in the arena. Like I said never dull, well until Rathma had a vision of what is to come and out of the ooo I don't know 10,000 of us I WAS PICKED FOR THIS SUICIDE MISSION! Our most wise priest Lord Rathma has made me ME the (and I do hate to say this) weakest necromancer in the freaking place go somewhere so violent and SO FUCKING COLD I mean I was in the warm jungle WARM and now I'm in the FUCKING COLD. Ooo when I get back SO HELP ME RATHMA I will get even. And you know what's funny is that all I was given was to fight with was a wand a FUCKING WAND that lets me summon ONE GOD FORSAKEN SKELETON what the hell, WHAT THE HELL. He could have given me a dagger but noo, a fucking worthless wand. Also on that note since I would be missing my studies in the "Arts" he gave me a book which will show me what I want to learn based on the experience I gain through my journey, and that makes the book my greatest weapon (assuming that I don't die before I can learn anything). But thankfully I have some well armored companions (and two lookers as a bonus) to make this task seem easier, unfortunately killing Diablo is never really easy I mean the only three to do so were WAY out of our class in terms of skill, experience, and strength (well that to rival the barbarians but that's another thing entirely) plus they were better equipped with METAL armor and REAL weapons…..well for me anyway not for my "companions". They at least have leather, some iron armor and sharper weapons than me, hell even that sorceress has better equipment I mean they send me in my black pants, sleeveless vest, and one old wand…..NOT FUNNY, I'm dresses for warm weather NOT THE FREAKING SWAMP IN THE MIDDLE OF A RAIN STORM.

Thankfully they don't know I'm a necromancer especially that paladin, hell he mistook me for an old man

Me: (I bet this shitty wand that he would have killed me on the spot if he knew.)

Voice: "I'm willing to take you up on that bet" and out of the shadows came a sight that made my jaw DROP for in front of my eyes was a women emerging from the shadows as if she was one with them.

"HOLY CRAP an assassin listen whoever hired you I can swear I have a logical explanation for it" great now I just made myself look like a bad guy.

Assassin: "don't worry you not my target, yet" and with that she turned and started to walking away: but then stops and says "and yes you did make yourself look like the bad guy cause here comes your Muscle Bound Idiot, and your Holy Brainwashed Zealot right now".

"Wait I never said that (out loud)", "wait you can't…"

Assassin: "yes I can so watch those thoughts and as a fair warning keep your eyes above my chest"

(ouch) "but it wasn't your chest that caught my eyes, they were too entrapped by those eyes, those brown and green gems that outshine the stars, no that meat head over there is too dense to notice…(he's walking towards me isn't he?)

Voice: (yep and thanks for the compliment hope he doesn't kill ya) and with that she turned and headed to the northern part of the camp leaving me with (as she put it) the Muscle Bound Idiot and the Holy Brainwashed Zealot. As she left I felt the Barbarian walking towards me with the paladin in toe and I knew I was either going to die and meet Diablo before this adventure even begins, or I could make them fear me and let me live until I can get away and hide from these people. Granted I don't fear death and all due to my rather "unique" upbringing but still I have a mission and I need to at least START THE BLOODY THING BEFORE I DIE.

Paladin: "hey what's happening, are you in trouble milady, is this old man bugging you" Barbarian: "little scrawny man bugging an assassin HA HA HA don't even bother Hal, he no match even if she goes easy on the old perv HA HA HA".

"ok I can take being called a perv BUT IM NOT AN OLD MAN I AM 24 YEARS OLD YOU FUCKING RETARDS NOT 50 ooo by the love of all that rathma teaches (…..fuck I'm screwed) Voice: (yep your screwed, you want me to help you out?)

(…if there's a way to make a paladin NOT KILL ME then by all means PLEASE). I then noticed that I had more than two weapons pointed at me which leads me to one thing; the paladin is the leader of this group. First was the paladins sword raised high in the air, glowing white with his "Holy Power" and ready to cut me in half, the barbarian had his axe at the ready just in case it was needed, and then the sound of lightning could be heard which means that the sorceress was about to cast a spell that would be a shocking experience.

Voice: "hey what are you all doing, you all have been summoned here to aid us in our time of need."

Paladin: "Even this BLASOMIS CURROPED MAGE?"

"Actually we like the term misunderstood and mistreated to be precise."

Paladin: "SHUT UP, but because our host has asked for ALL of us, I shall not cause violence in the camp, so I shall not strike you down, but I will keep an eye on you, a VERY CLOSE eye."

Voice: "thank you, now if you would all gather at my tent I shall explain everything there. Thank you my deer for telling me about this before this got out of control."

Assassin: "Your welcome Lady Akara"

Barbarian: "you get lucky, next time you will be a puddle of goo" and with that both him and the paladin walked back to the rest of the "party" and leaving me with one thought in my mind (note to self-get the assassins name so I can properly thank her). That's when I notice that out of everyone here two people were just standing by and not lifting a finger, and by the look of them both (and the fact that the guy has wolves all around him) I'd say the guy is a druid and the women was an amazon (the thighs, the athletic figure, and the fact she has a spear in her hands and a bow strapped to her back with a quiver of arrows kind of gave her away) which means they either don't belong to this group of misfits or they do but know better than to start a fight in camp. *sighs* "this is going to be a LOONG fucking mission" and with that I can safely say it's safe to go to the tent and let the Akara explain why I was sent here, plus maybe I'll find out that name of that assassin while I'm over there, …now where was her tent again?

As I made my way through the camp I came up to a little wagon that happened to have a thick coat and the best part it was dry and no price so I could probably haggle the owner to give it away basically for nothing and since we necromancers aren't liked anyway they tend to give us discounts to get us out quicker.

"Hey shop-keep how much for the coat?" I asked.

Shop-keep: "welcome to Gheeds house of goods my name is… *gasps* a necromancer, I thought I'd never have so set eyes on anymore of your kind since I left that hellish jungle."

"Yes I'm a necromancer but how much you offering for that.."

Gheed: " No No No, nothing for sale for you GET OUT I never want to deal with you or you kind EVER AGAIN I hope a fallen kills you" and with that he closed his doors and shockingly there was a "we are closed, please do come again" sign on the outside of the door.

"Well that's bloody great I'm still lost and cold DAMMIT RATHMA WHY YOU HAVE TO CURSE ME WITH THIS MISSION I can't even find Akara's tent for crying out loud"

Voice: "ooH you're looking for Akara's tent it's over there". As I turn and my mouth dropped for a second time for standing in front of me was another girl wearing the same armor as the guards (looks a little too tight) and has a crappy bow strung over her shoulder.

Rouge: "umm sir Akara's tent is right over there next to the exit" pointing in the opposite direction of the entrance.

Regaining my composure "sorry I was lost in thought, so why is her tent by the entrance anyway?"

Rouge: "She wants to be the first to greet our rare visitors and why are you staring at me like that?" and again I regain my composure "actually I'm just wondering WHY THE HELL YOUR NOT FREEZING IN THIS WEATHER, no offence or nothing"

Rouge: "I'm not offended but I'm just used to it after living here all my life, where are you from?"

"I can't tell you the location out loud but I can tell you I'm from a nice warm jungle with rain here and there and trees that reach the sky, and all sorts of wild things running, flying, and even swinging everywhere."

Rouge: "Wow it sounds so beautiful but unfortunately they would never let me leave the camp anytime soon even if we get our monastery back, I'll never be good enough to travel like my sisters." (Wait wait wait, a rouge who is downing herself on her skill with a bow, now I have to know why)

"Why would you say such a thing my dear?"

Rouge: "umm I'm not supposed to say; well I wasn't even supposed to tell you that much ummm..."

Voice: "HEY GIRL GET BACK TO YOUR TRAINING BEFORE I MAKE YOU RUN 100 LAPS ARUOND THE ENCAMPMENT!"

Rouge: "yes Lady Kashya, sorry to interrupt you hero but I must get back to training" and with that she turned and left me with this Kashya person who by the way she was dressed must have been a proud warrior in her youth and now the leader of the rouges.

Kashya: "don't let that worthless excuse for a rouge bother you hero, but Akara is waiting and I was asked to take you to her"

"She was not a bother but before I meet with Akara, could you tell me her name?"

Kashya: "her name is of no concern, what matters is that Lady Akara is waiting and I am instructed to bring you to her" (what a bitch)

"Well you can tell her that I will be there shortly, but I need to thank her for taking the time to guide me to her tent, now if you will excuse me I will be on my way"

Kashya: "how dare you make Akara wait even more than she has, I WILL take you to her even by force if.."

"If what, pfft ya right like that day will ever happen"

Kashya: "HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME, WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO ORDER.."

"I AM A NECROMANCER WHO WAS TAUGHT BY OUR ORDERS MOST POWERFULL MAGE RATHMA, WHO WAS GIVIN THIS MISSION BY OUR LEADER RATHMA, WHO GAVE ME A GIFT FROM OUR GOD TRAG'OUL, SO YOU BETTER NOT EVEN THINK YOU CAN MATCH MY POWER MORTAL OR I WILL MAKE YOUR CORPSE MY PLAYTHING" with that said I held out the wand and let go my aurora that made me shine bright blue. Upon my performance I noticed that Kashya had taken a few steps back with a small look of fear and then I felt the killer intent of about 6 people and I knew it was the rouges pointing arrows at me waiting to see if I'd make a move (dammit shouldn't have done that, now I am dead).

Kashya: "yo yo you bbbetter nnot try anyththiing or or or my archers will shooooot you on sight" "you think arrows can kill me, fine let them come cause once they do I will cast a simple spell on your body, exploding your body and making your bones onto an impenetrable shield around me and then I'll…"

Kashya: " ok ok OK fine you win I will make my leave and tell Lady Akara that you will be there when you can and to start without you ok"

"Thank you mortal, ooh and one more thing next time you greet me, call me Master Necromancer or I will enjoy taking you apart" and with that I turned and left a very worried and scared Kashya in her place. After five minutes of wandering the west side (couldn't have given me any better directions than pointing) I could hear the sound of arrows hitting wood, which I assumed that I was close to the training grounds but once I rounded a small tent I could see I was mistakenly wrong. What she was hitting was the wall that surrounded the encampment with a target drawn on it, then I saw a tent that has seen better days with just a couple of sheets on the ground with a pillow. That's when I figured out where I was, this is where she stayed. I then saw her, standing there aiming her bow at the handmade target, with not one but 3 arrows notched something I have yet to see and of the other rouges (hell anyone but an amazon) do. And right before she released her arrows I saw something that made my mouth drop again, her arrows began to glow with magic, but not with fire magic or ice magic, it was a magic I could not guess until she fired her arrows and that's when I knew that they were the great Amazonian Guided Arrows. How I figure that out was because one arrow hit dead center of the painted target, the second arrow turned and hit the head of a makeshift dummy to the left of her, and the final one did a half loop and hit the chest with another target behind her, three deadly accurate bulls eyes *(in the words of gabriel Iglesias "DAAAAAM")* , regaining my composure I decide to congratulate her. As I walk towards her I had no choice but to applaud her.

*applauding* "well done, well done my dear". Apparently I startled her cause as I did that she looked startled and kind of squeaked and jumped in the air gripping her bow.

Rouge: "whwhwhat are yyou doing hhere shouldn't you be hearing what LLLady Akara has to sssay"

"Sorry to startle you but I just wanted to thank the person who pointed me in the right direction to Akara first, it's just my nature"

Rouge: "wwwell your welcome hero now you must report to Lady Akara.."

"But before I do, I need your name to properly thank you"

Rouge: "why do you need my name, you could just say thank you for the directions. Besides my name is not really important to know"

"It is important to me because you were the first person to help me out so I must thank that person and that person has an important name, plus I don't care what others think, a name is important and I would like to know it" (I hate being a jerk but hell she has a gift that I think her "sisters" don't like)

Rouge *blushing*: "iif you must know my nname iis Raissa" (wow, she is a shy one)

"Well then Raissa, I thank you very much for giving me directions to Lady Akaras tent and if there is anything I could do for you, just ask and I will try my best to make it happen" (hate to admit it but I would make a better bard than a necromancer but beggars can't be choosers) Raissa: "iit was nno touble, but Lady Akara is still waiting and you shouldn't keep her"

"Then I shall be on my way then and yet again I must thank you" and with that I was just about to leave but I just remembered that I was lost,

"umm Raissa could you guide me to…"

*giggling* Raissa: "no need to finish, sure I can walk you to her tent"

"Thank you, I easily get lost in places I've never been before" and with that we made our way to Akaras tent.

As we approach Akaras tent I could hear the barbarian complaining about waiting for me (Scrawny, little, and old man kind of gave it away) Kashya was seen waiting for me outside the tent.

Kaysha: "her.." I give her a look "I mean Master Necromancer Lady Akara has informed me that she would wait until you graced us with your presence but warns with every second we waste our enemy get stronger" I also notice that she gave a look to Raissa which intern made her look down in shame (I guess I better make Kashya treat her just a little better)

"I thank you yet again for your help Raissa and remember if there is anything ANYTHING" saying that while taking a quick glance at Kashya making her look alittle afraid "just ask and like I said I'll try to make it happen"

Raissa: "it was no touble I assure you now if you will excuse me um" (now that was very unlike me)

*while taking a bow*"I am soo sorry I am Xenu the necromancer, at your service"

Raissa: "a necromancer, what is that?" (ouch that hurt again)

"let us just say we are a misunderstood group of magi that have a very unique art"

Raissa: "well it was no trouble Xenu, but I must get back to my training, good day to you to Lady Kaysha" as she took her bow I shot another look at Kashya making her look even more worried.

Kashya: "take great care in your training Raissa, we expect ggreat things ffrom you soon" and with that she turned and left with a puzzled look on Raissa's face.

Raissa: "what just happened?" she asked with a puzzled look on her face.

"don't worry, she will need all the help she can get in the times to come so she needs to drop her "guard" once and a while to keep morale up" (that and she has devoted 3 Rouges to keep their arrows on me)

Raissa: "well ththank you for clarifying that, have a good evening" and with that she gave me a quick bow and quickly left with me just laughing on the inside at her shyness. (Now time to enter the tent and hope my head stays intact.

Paladin: "sooo the MIGHTY NECROMANCER has graced us with his presence at last, tell me oo great one WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LATE!"

"Paladin even if I wanted to tell you, you wouldn't understand"

Barbarian: "Jus Try us ya scrawny little ol…"

"IF YOU SAY OLD MAN ONE MORE TIME I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE RULES I WILL TAKE YOUR TOUNGE" and as soon as I said that the paladin had his hand on his sword giving me the look that screamed just try it I dare you.

Akara: "Thanks quiet enough all of you, now that the necromancer has found my tent due to the help of our *huff* sister, we can begin this little meeting cause each second more I fear that our camp will be overrun with vile creatures" (wait even this old bag calls her weak and IS MY MIND TOO OPEN FOR EVERYONE TO READ, and don't say a word assassin I know your listening) and no sooner had I thought that the assassin let out a small chuckle which caught the attention of a certain someone.

Paladin: "what's so funny mage killer, and yes I know all about you and your order to hunt rouge magi, and I'm still wondering why your order hasn't cleaned this stain *points in my direction* that inhabits this Land that God has given us". As I was about to talk the assassin out of nowhere puts her hands in front of me.

Assassin: "I do hunt rouge magi but I don't kill innocent ones either, unlike a certain "Crusader" who does what he is told because I for one have the right to think before I act and not act based on one persons will" and I could tell the air just got a whole lot thicker but should I.

Voice: (don't you even dare say anything, I don't want to fight him, just set him straight)

(fair enough) and so I remained quiet. Akara on the other hand looked as if she was ready to punish a child, got up from her chair and too much to my surprised yelled at us.

Akara: "Enough, it's like dealing with little bratty children so shut up sit down and let me explain what it is we need help with or would you rather let the demons come here and kill us while we bicker" and too my surprise everyone especially the paladin did as she asked. Unfortunately I was left standing with the assassin because there wasn't enough chairs for us all (technically there would have been but the barbarian took up 4 chairs to just barley hold his weight) which didn't bother me because I do admit because I was late and I don't deserve a seat and at least I didn't have to sit on the cold wet ground.

Akara: "now before we begin I would like for each of you to introduce yourselves, quickly no long speech just your name and what you do would be enough"

(well at least I get to know your name my raven haired savior)

Voice: (same here but then again I already know what I need to about you, my demonic Novice summoner)

(Just don't let the Kashya know that I can't do what I told her, or she just might have those 3 Rouges kill me for making her worry over nothing)

Voice: (well your no fun) and just taking a small glance I could see a small pout on her face just to mock me (well, not yet ok)

Voice: (fine, I'll hold my tongue, for now) and with that the first to introduce themselves was to no one's surprise but the paladin.

Paladin: "Hail Fellow Heroes and ungrateful scum" everyone knew basically who he was talking about me.

Paladin: "I hail from a land far from here, my name is Hal of the Flame and I am our lords most HOLY of warriors, a paladin. Sent here to vanquish the evil that has swept this once beautiful land and return it to its people who god cherishes and punish the wicked that despise him, with me I lead my lifelong friend Barctus The Barbarian, and Roslyn The Sorceress of the 3 Elements and together with your help we shall give gods earth back to you".

*yawn* what a waste of air, but then again it's a paladin and if they aren't preaching then they are slaying for their "god" on some unholy crusade but enough about the paladin, it looks like the giant waste of space is getting up to explain himself.

Barctus: "ello, like Hal said I'm Barctus, but in my homeland they call me the Wild Whirling Wind cause I when I fight I spin and everything in front of my spinning usually dies, I specialize in using swords and my axe I named BloodyMary cause I've slain more creatures with her and it has been my first weapon since I could hold one and that's all" and with that he sat and only the sorceress clapped while the paladin gave his a thumbs up, the rest of us just nodded our heads.

Voice: (so unlike you to compliment the walking meat head)

(well even if I have my thoughts unlike our paladin friend, Barctus did what Akara asked and that I can respect)

Voice: (true true, so he might not be as dumb as you though now hmmm)

(ok he has some brains, but he is still mostly brawn).

Sorceress: "Hi, I'm Roslyn and yes I can control 3 elements; Fire, Ice, and Lightning and I can even teleport so I can scout quicker than most people because I can literally be there and back in a blink" with that said she sat with her two teammates giving her the thumbs up.

(looks like you're out of a job assassin, well actually it looks like your skills will be saved for a later date)

Voice: (I was about to think you'd hurt my feelings, but you right no one can scout like me and I would rather not let them know what I can really do, yet) and I even felt her wink at me but I dare not look because that dam Akara was just staring at us waiting to yell so I just ignored it, for now. Well since the trio of idiots was done it looked like it was either the red headed man who apparently had a couple of wolves around him which meant he was either an animal trainer or a druid, and the blonde with the big bust which made her an Amazon.

Druid: "I guess it's our turn honey"

Amazon: "yes I think it is" and as they both got up I just happen to think of something (1. Why the hell would you bring your wife with you on this mission, and 2. What the fuck, I thought Druids weren't supposed to marry outside their clan just like the amazons?)

Druid: "hello my fellow warrior, my name is Adolfo and this is my wife Ulrica. As you can see I am a druid and she is an amazon, with our wolves we are the feared mercenaries known as Alpha Pack due to both of our ways of fighting like the mighty wolf. I can transform if necessary and she has her own natural abilities that can make her just like a wolf."

Ulrica: "I hope that answers your question necromancer"

(FUCK ARE THE ONLYONES WHO CAN'T READ MY MIND THE IDIOITIC TRIO RIGHT THERE)

Voices: (yep now introduce yourself so we can hear your story).

Hal: "when did the necromancer ask a question to you guys, I never saw him talk to you?" Akara: "they are reading his thoughts, and upon asking the question they answered it in their introduction."

Barctus: "so they read minds, good thing I really don't think much hahaha"

"really couldn't tell, but wait you answered half of my question, so about the other half"

Adolfo: "to why we are married and our orders view on it, that is easy. My particular order doesn't mind out of clan marriages"

Ulrica: "and I am the last of my particular group of amazons that fight like the wolf and Adolfo here helped me when I was wounded and it just went on from there, now anymore questions.", "none, so I guess it's my turn".

"well I guess it's time for a quick intro so I'll be brief, I'm Xenu a necromancer and the only reason I'm hear is because Lord Rathma saw an evil force that will destroy my home and that I was a the solution, so he sent me here to stop it, end next and last person please" and with that said I took a bow and turned my attention to the assassin waiting eagerly to hear her introduction. Barctus: "that's it, no story, lame"

Hal: "leave him be, that scum isn't even worth explaining"

(if his kind would listen to our story he would understand us better) "prick"

Roslyn: "well for an old man.."

"I AM FUCKING 24 YEARS OLD, THE REASON I LOOK OLD IS BECAUSE THE ART OF DEATH IS A HARD ONE AND TAKES ITS TOLL ON THE BODY. WE UNDERSTAND DEATH BETTER THAN MOST MORTALES THEREFORE WE DON'T FEAR IT" and with that o unbuttoned my vest and took it off revealing my ripped yet scared body "LOOK AT THIS BODY, IT CAN TELL YOU MY LIFE STORY, EACH SCARE HAS A STORY THIS *pointing right next to my heart* THIS IS FROM THE ARENA, I HAD A POISON DAGGER STUCK HERE FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES BEFORE I MADE MY OPPENENT SURRENDER UNDER MY BLADE AND ONLY OUR LORD HAD THE SKILL TO KEEP ME FROM DYING BUT THE WHOLE TIME I HAD NO FEAR, I HAD NEVER LOST MY WILL, EVEN IF I DIED, MY BODY WOULD HAVE BEEN PUT TO BETTER USE AND MADE INTO A WARROIR TO HELP PROTECT MY HOME. I AM SO TIRED OF EVERY SINGLE PERSON CALLING ME OLD AND THEN FINDING OUT THAT I'M A NECROMANCER FEAR ME LIKE I AM DEATH AND I'M GOING TO REAP THEIR SOUL, WE DON'T DO THAT WE ONLY HANDLE THE DEAD. Yes we dabble in poison giving us a natural immunity to most poisons, but still WE DON'T DO ANYTHIS TO THE LIVING except for marriage and reproduction but that's just common among humans. So I dare you CALL ME OLD ONE MORE TIME, JUST ONE MORE TIME AND I WILL TURN THIS ENCAMPMENT INTO A PLACE THAT DIABLO HIMSELF WON'T STEP FOOT IN" and then I let all my unnatural energies flow through my body and having all weapons at the ready just waiting for me to make the first move, even the assassin had her hands on her weapon Assassin: "you really don't like being called old do you?"

"no I don't and I meant every word of what I said because we necromancers never run from a fight, we either die or we kill, that is the way we are taught, that is the way we act, that is the path we follow" and with that I let my energies die and sat back against the post of the tent and drank a mana potion.

Barctus: "Jus try it, I dare ya cause my BloodyMary will be in you before could even cast a spell"

"barbarian, I'm not like the sorceress who is about ready to finish her spell, my energies don't need words, well at least most of my spells but curses, that's another story" and with that I waited to see what will happen.

Assassin: "well if everyone is settled…"

Hal: "NO see this is why scum like you deserves to be wiped out, By the Holy Power of our lord in Heaven, I shall smite the de.." and to my surprise the assassin had a dagger right up against his throat and the look on his face was one I love to see in my opponents, fear.

Assassin: "Before you even think about lifting a finger on a man who is stating facts and only added a single threat, I won't hesitate even for a second"

Barctus: "hey get that toothpick off.."

Assassin: "don't think I hadn't forgotten about you or that mage over there, take just one step and you will set off that trap and that's something you really don't want to do". Upon that note all but the paladin, the assassin and Akara looked down to see a small black pyramid just lying on the ground. At first one would think nothing of it, but since we were warned by an assassin that she had placed it everyone but me took a step back just in case the barbarian decided not to listen.

Assassin: "good little boys and girls, so you have heard about our traps but just stepping away from them doesn't really mean that they won't go off now will they."

Barctus: "Wa you mean by that cause from wha I heard as long as I don't step on it I should be fine, righ?", idiot, idiot, IDIOT why was he even given a brain anyway.

"Well meat for brains to answer that question the trap is not only set off by someone/something but also by the assassins mental thought as well". Now this got me plenty of looks from everyone in the room, including the assassin.

Assassin: "And how did you figure that one out Necromancer?"

Barctus: "Ya smarty pants tell us how that is possible hmmm".

"Unlike you and your brain dead people, we actually have done research and have made deals with the assassins in exchange for information and knowledge, like for instance do you know where most why most assassinations that involves poisoning automatically get pinned on us?", Barctus: "Ya you did it. You make poisons that can scare anybody.", looks like the idiot has some brains after all.

"Yes we make poison and yes we have a natural immunity to most every poison know to the race of man but that's not all, we sell poison for a most reasonable price". And that's when the barbarians brain actually started to turn some wheels because he said down on the chairs and put his fist to his chin and sat there as if deep in thought, well deep as a brain dead zombie would be cause they did have more brain power than this buffoon.

Barctus: "so you make and sell poison, so who would buy from you creepy little weak men?" (and I thought he had half a brain)

Assasin: "well Xenu at least he has some though processing in that skull of his but I'll answer the question, we buy the deadly poison form the Necromancers"

Hal: "but why would you deal with…them*while pointing at me* they are not to be trusted"

(I think I should tell him, or do you want that to be a secret?)

Voice: (you can tell him, I really don't care. And beside it's not like his order is really that holy anyway)

(So I see that they made a deal with you organization before right)

Voice: (more than twice is all I'll admit)

(fair enough). "I will be blunt, we have our allies and you have yours"

Roslyn: "wait, so you mean to tell me that the assassin is.."

Assassin: "no I'm not his bodyguard, it was just a coincidence that we are on this same mission together and the only agreement that we have made is either information for money or poison for money, but still I don't like people trying to kill those who don't deserve it and I do have a name, it's Delilah"

Adolfo: "well that's unusual for an assassin's name"

Delilah: "well since we are working to kill demons and this looks like it will take a while I figured that you would like to call me by my real name other than the code name I have earned.", Ulrica: "which is?"

Delilah: "my name for hire is The Midnight Blade". It was silent, and I swear I could hear a pin drop a mile away, so as I started to look around I noticed the looks on the trio of idiots' faces and started to laugh and not just any laugh, but on that almost had me rolling on the ground….almost. Roslyn: "yoyoyou think ththis is fffunny nenenecro"

Hal: "plplease eenlightten us oon the humor oof ththis" and then as I heard the paladin struggle I lost it and fell to the ground laughing, and even had a few other people laughing with me as well, well not as much as me.

*still laughing*"oo its nothing really*more laughing* it's just that a paladin *laugh* is *laugh* scared *uncontrolled laugh*"

Hal: "even a warrior from god has fear and that's what makes us human, but if you will excuse me I need to pray and don't worry, I won't attack him, unless he makes a move on me first, you have my word sworn on the Holy Bible" and he said the he pulled a bible out from under his armor which isn't shocking but the fact that he is willing to ignore the fact the Akara is waiting to tell us what we need to do around here.

Hal: "Lady Akara, I know that this is important but it is time for my daily..."

Akara: "You need not worry noble paladin. I explain everything to you companions and they can give you the short version if they wish but know this if we are attacked in the middle of your prayer"

Hal: "need not worry, if the enemies of man try to attack I will be the first one into the battle and then I shall finish my prayer after the battle has been won."

Akara: "then be on your way and as for the rest of you be seated and let us begin, I will tell you what you need to do to help us in our time of great need"

As the paladin exited the tent everyone decided to get comfortable, well except for me the druid and his wife. For some reason they preferred to sit on the ground with their wolves by their sides, me on the other hand, I preferred my trusty pole to lean against but the assassin decided to take the paladins seat right next to the waste of brain cells and still he was deep in thought.

(is he still thinking or did he fall asleep while thinking?)

Delilah: (he is fast asleep, but don't worry about him, all he needs to know is where to swing his weapons and he'll be fine.) that doesn't surprise me one bit, argh barbarians, if raised right are like a one man army but no matter what you teach them they will still prefer to hit something and focus more on brute strength, than strategy.

Akara: "now then I am Akara, High Priestess of the Sisterhood of the Sightless Eye and I welcome you all to our camp. I would like to offer most of you better shelter within these rickety walls but our mighty citadel that we have guarded for generations was undertaken by the evil and corruptive demoness, Andariel. I still can't believe that she corrupted most of our sisters and made them drive us from our homes and now we are all that I must ask that you find a way to lift this dreaded curse and we will pledge our loyalty to you for all time". Sooo they were thrown out of their own place by one of Diablo's servants plus her whole army and they expect to get it back, not to mention that most of their "sisters" were corrupted in a short amount of time. Glad I am immune to the corruption.

"Well if they are corrupt then they can be saved and what is that worth to you"

everyone: "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

"I said what if we could save your quote on quote sisters, how much would it be worth to you" and again they all had the same response.

Everyone: "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" god I hate the stupid.

Voice: "they are not even worth the effort; you're just better off killing them and leaving it at that" and I knew who's voice that belonged to Kaysha.

Akara: "Ahh Captain Kashya, so nice of you to join us, heroes this is the Rouge Captain Kashya, she leads what is left of our forces"

Roslyn: "Well still I have to agree and I really don't want to but I agree with the Necromancer for once"

"Really, and why is that I wonder?"

Roslyn: "Don't get me wrong cause I still don't trust your kind but you do have training in this sort of thing, right?", now this drew all attention towards me, even the paladin stopped his praying and poked his head in to hear this.

(Ah even the paladins don't know about our ways) "Well since you are so eager then I shall elaborate, but not right now for you do have a mission for us do you not milady" no need for them to put me on a stake and burn me for something they won't understand.

Akara: "yes but if we could.."

"But this topic will take time we don't have and if we can by more time I can explain better, right?"

Akara: "my apologies, but you have a point. Heroes, there is a place of great evil somewhere close to this encampment that is housing some dreaded unholy evil, we do not know the whereabouts of this place but that it is only within this field between us and the Cold Plains." (wait there is a place COLDER than HERE)

"Dammit why didn't Rathma send me here without clothes meant for this weather"

Adolfo: "if you would like, we could let you trade for one of our spare coats". Either I was dreaming or someone was actually being *gulp* nice to a necromancer.

"Are you telling the truth Druid, for are you pulling my leg?"

Ulrica: "my husband and I don't care who you are, we are nice people but it won't be for free, what items do you possess for trade"

"I thought you said you both were nice, so why are asking for compensation?"

Adolfo: "we are nice but since money is scarce nowadays, we need all we can get to barter with and so I ask what have you to trade?", Now normally I wouldn't do this but I have no choice in the matter cause once we are out of the encampment I would like to stay warm and dry as best as I can, so I reached into my pocket and tossed a bottle full of a violet liquid.

Ulrica: "what is this and why is this worth a coat?"

Delilah: "did you not hear him amazon, they specialize in poisons that have no cure, which must be a rare poison."

Ulrica: "we have no need for poison, give him that bottle back"

"That…is not poison". Now the look turned from not caring to confused.

Akara: "if that is not the famed Necro Poison, then what is it?"

"something that is more valuable and very hard and rare to make"

Barctus: "I know that kind, it's a full rejuvenation potion but how you get your hands on that rare find?", now everyone was impressed and paying attention more so than me asking to save their "lost" sisters.

"like I said, it is hard to make and requires a unique item that has been lost for years, or a method that only my lord has made and mastered, and I have to give you credit barbarian. I thought you didn't have a useful brain, but I was wrong and for that *while I take my bow* please accept my apologies."

Barctus: "HEY I do have a brain, I just don't like using it all the time cause things are easier if I jus hit things plus I have used one of those before and trust me they are worth every coin you spend on it, or in this case your best fur coat". The druid held up one finger and whispered something to his wife.

Adolfo: "follow me if you please, umm"

"Xenu, just Xenu."

Adolfo: "well then Xenu please follow me and we shall see what we have that will work and then we are off to find this cave, excuse me milady."

Akara: "no need for I am done with talking and will let you deal with this threat in your own way" and with that we made our way out of the tent and decided to meet in ten minutes at the front gate. Me I followed the druid and amazon who were accompanied by their wolves, and found out that their tent housed more wolves.

"So I guess they don't like you having all your wolves with you at one time am I right?"

Ulrica: "they don't like having them in the camp period, but since Adolfo here is a druid well they kind of made an exception to that rule, and thankfully they have enough bones for our dear pups."

Adolfo: "wait here one second while I get our spare coats and don't worry they don't bite unless I tell them so feel free to pet one or two, they like attention from other people and not just us" and he went into the tent with Ulrica in toe which just left me and their wolves outside just looking at each other, until my eyes saw two wolves the look almost identical except that they both had collars and were chained to the ground.

"now that's not like a druid to put animals in chains, I wonder why he…" and as I neared one of them tried to lung at me but to my relief, his chain was shorter than expected.

"Aww now I see why, the druid must not of had time to communicate with you and make you tame or whatever it is they do to others?"

Adolfo: "No, not really but your close" he said as he walked out of the tent with two coats and his wife with two.

Adolfo: "I personally haven't had the time to talk with them to see why they keep attacking like they do."

"Well don't take this offensively but hey do look stressed and the calm one looks rather tiered."

Ulrica: "that's because this land is trying to corrupt them both and it looks like that one will have to be put down if we don't do something soon but enough about our wolves for now choose which of these two that you would like" and then she presented me with two nice coats, one black and one light brown. Now to a normal person they would assume that a necromancer would choose the black one, but the again I'm not like most.

"The brown one if you please", Ulrica: "a wise choice but remember that if you want to run into battle that this is not armor and only protects against the elements", *as I put it on* "no worries, just give me a dead corpse first then I won't have to lift a finger deal", Adolfo: "no deals but if something gets killed along the way, you can have it", "deal" and with a whistle from Ulrica all the wolves got up, stretched and we made our way to the entrance/exit of the encampment to begin our quest.

After waiting another ten minutes at the gait the trio of idiots finally made it to the gate.

Barctus: "sorry, I fell asleep again."

Ulrica: "if we would have known that you fell asleep then we could have let you sleep and help defend this camp in case of an attack."

Kashya: "no need, me and my sisters will keep this place safe from evil."

Hal: "I will ask again dear friend, are you sure you don't want to stay, with our lord on the side of righteousness we shall prevail no matter what, I bet my life on it."

(And I bet you will paladin). The barbarian then just reached into a pouch on his belt and pulled out a scroll with a blue string that looked to be keeping it closed.

Barctus: "take this, just in case you need me, I could use some food and some rest."

Hal: "I will friend but only if needed" and he took the scroll and the barbarian turned and went back into the encampment.

Kashya: "I told you we don't…"

Barctus: "I no get in way Kashya, I just sleep by the fire and wait, but if you do need me jus holla."

Hal: "now that we are all here lets go and find this cave and *getting into a pose with his sword to the sky* rid it of the unholy creatures that dwell within its depths."

(And this is one reason I hate paladins.)

Delilah: (the overly dramatic performance, or the fact that they are brainwashed servants to believe they have the power of god on their side.)

Adolfo: (I believe the term for brainwashed servant is zealot.)

(Nice one druid, nice and yes to both of those reasoning's.)

Hal: "come now friends and necromancer, TO GLORY" and with that he turned and walked over the bridge with his sword still held up high in the air with the sorceress right at his heels clapping. After the rest of us let out a sigh and not just any sigh a sigh that said why the hell did they send this moronic group with us sigh, we decided to follow with me and the assassin at the rear.

"I'm guessing you don't like being around people huh Delilah?"

Delilah: "yes and no, for an assassin yes, for something like this no plus I wanted to keep you company *smiling* plus you have a nice warm coat and it looks like you have enough room for two under there" knew it.

"So you want to know if I'd either let you in or let you borrow this right *raising an eyebrow*", Delilah: "oo aren't you the sly one, are you inviting me into something naughty?" and without a second to spare she slipped right on into my coat, that was closed and snuggling up close, Delilah: "mmmmm warmth."

(crap, crap, CRAP she a quick one ok clam down calm down don't think of anything naughty no naughty thought…but I do have to say that's a nice cushion, if I'd have to guess.) "your pretty close to a D cup aren't you?"

Delilah: *blushing* "wha, how did, nno no you sick little man I'm just getting warm, AND DON'T GET ANNY FUNNY IDEAS DRUID." I could hear Adolfo laughing for but a second before a smack was heard and a sorry dear from him.

(Nice one again Druid)

Adolfo: (thanks I couldn't resist)

Delilah: (hey it's cold and I am glad you gave him this coat, he has enough room for two and I'm not getting wet).

After about 3 minutes of walking, we came up to a body on the ground and like a fly the paladin rushed over to see if it were alive just to stop dead in his track and kneel and pray to his "god". "Take care of the coat" and as I said that I slip out of the coat to get a closer look but before I even I got close enough, the paladin shot his hand out in front of me.

Hal: "don't even think about desecration this body, he deserves a funeral and not be a demonic being."

"Relax paladin for I was never one for human corpses"

Hal: "like I haven't heard that before now take a step back and let me say a prayer"

"Here then you can hold onto this and if I use its body then you can break this gift from Rathma*holding out my wand* and if I don't then give it back and say you prayer"

Hal: *grabbing the wand* "how do I know that you aren't deceiving me necromancer?"

"You don't" and I went to see how it died. Turning over the corpse I could already tell the demons that had done this.

"This is the work of the fallen"

Roslyn: "how can you tell just by looking at his body for just a millisecond hmmm"

"Well *turning over the body for all to see* beside the fact that they're cannibals and like their meat fresh, *taking an object out from the body* this happens to be one of its many sharp teeth", Roslyn: "ewww did you just but your hand IN THAT, ewwww."

Hal: "necromancer"

"Don't worry paladin I'm not doing anything to her and don't plan on it and when you're done with your prayer…"

Roslyn: "HER? What do you mean her, that's a male not a female?"

Adolfo: "he can read the dead like a book, *I nod* and I can smell not only demons, but the scent of a woman here and I'm guessing that that is the remains"

"Correct"

Hal: "ok now that we know what killed her can you please leave so I can pray"

"Fine paladin, say your prayer, but when you're done I'll take care of the ritual"

Hal: "YOU SAID YOU'D DO NO SUCH THING"

"Before you act, our way of saying ritual is basically the same as your funeral"

Delilah: "explain" as she said that all eyes were on me, again and the paladin had his hand on his sword just I case.

*clearing my throat* "we do say a prayer but not like the one you do and then the people who know that person say their last goodbyes and finally we precede with either the burning of the body, the placement within the tomb of heroes, or the transformation into a servant by our lord Rathma to protect our village for all eternity or until we all die, why did you think that all we did was turn our dead into mindless beings"

Hal: "that is what we were taught about necromancers"

*Face palms*"Arrgh paladins and their false teachings"

Hal: "THE CHURCH DOES NOT TELL LIES NECROMANCER"

"They do when it comes to us so now I will explain the real truth so you can tell your "church" the real truth"

Ulrica: *looking curious* "but why do you burn the bodies and not bury them?"

Adolfo: "please enlighten us"

"Uhhh fine, we have no need to bury because we don't want certain people doing certain things to our own dead"

Hal: "yet you would do certain things to everyone else"

"Yes"

Hal: "I knew it, fucking…"

"If they say we can"

Hal: "wait wait, WHAT?"

"let me guess, you all were told that we robbed graves" everyone nodded their heads and I smacked my head again.

"Ok, now it's time to set the records straight. We ask dying people if they would mind us using their bodies for study and if they say yes we then dig up their body after their ritual of death, if they say no then we attend their ritual out of respect for listening to our proposal. Our people do have standards, most stories are made up from drunks who happen to see us and freak out about it"

Hal: "but still, you desecrate their graves and…"

"Let me put it to you so that your teachings will help you understand, they make a deal with the devil so that means that their ritual is not holy, happy now"

Hal: "no, but I will allow that answer, for now"

Adolfo: "then why do you have some buried and some turned into a "servant" if you would care to elaborate?"

(Dammit, why are they all persistent?) "Sorry but a story for another time cause we have guests *pointing behind us* and they don't look like they want to chit chat." They all turned to see about 8 red Fallen running towards us yelling who knows what gibberish.

Unfortunately the Fallen are very stupid creatures, well more stupid than brutes or anything related to them because if they had any brains in their head they would see that they were outnumbered. Thanks to the druid being able to control at least 5 wolves, I didn't have to lift a finger and neither did the assassin who was just waiting for ether the right moment to attack or just letting the others do all the hard work.

Hal: "Alright everyone form a circle around the body. We shall protect the remains of this pore women and then bury her so her spirit can go to heaven" as he said that he put himself in a defensive position with his shield in front of his body and his sword looking as if it was going to pierce his shield to stab the little gremlins. As he looked like a little idiot Delilah was nowhere to be found (darn assassin and their shadow ability wish I could disappear)

Delilah: (well they are outnumbered and I really don't want to get my nice warm coat all dirty now)

(So you value your coat over wait...)

*slamming one foot on the ground* "THAT'S MY GOD DAMD COAT"

Adolfo: *turning his head in my direction* "what are you talking about, you're wearing your coa… where is the coat I sold you?" and just as he finished saying that we heard the stupid paladin start spouting some of his quote "holy preaching cry" end quote.

Hal: *pointing his sword back into the air* "BY THE POWER OF THE FATHER AND THE HOLY SPIRT, FEEL THE MIGHT OF GODS WRATH" and then I saw something I have never seen but have heard these zealots were capable of doing he started to glow but not just any normal glow but a brownish glow and charged straight at the fallen without any care for his safety.

"That fucking idiot, I hope he gets…*crack*" what…the…hell…

Author note: So, how did you enjoy it so far, review or pm me your thoughts. and next chapter which has been started and just working on and revising will be up whenever i can finish it (im also playing diablo 2 LOD just so i can get my characters correct) so it may be a bit of time...maybe.


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